Book Review: "The Resiliency Advantage" by Al Siebert
Resiliency, the ability to adapt and cope with life’s changes, is not an innate talent. It is a skill that can be learnt just like any other. The book’s subtitle is: “Master Change, Thrive Under Pressure, and Bounce Back from Setbacks”. The author is a clinical psychologist and researcher.
The book looks at the attributes of highly resilient people: those suffering chronic pain or life-changing disabilities, and survivors of terrible adversity. The examples and anecdotes are backed up by research findings. Attributes that help build resilience include the ability to solve problems, curiosity, willingness to try new and possibly uncomfortable or challenging things, and openness to serendipity. This last point helps turn accidents or misfortune into positives.
Resiliency requires a healthy view of three aspect of one’s “self”: self-esteem, self-confidence and self-concept. An interesting argument the author makes is that people who never complain and always try to please others (i.e. to be a “good child”) can actually harm their ability to cope with their problems. Detachment and a modest level of selfishness can help people become resilient.
The author challenges the concept of stress. Often the thing causing stress is not the real problem, but rather how we choose to internalise it and react to it. Just as straining muscles in an exercise routine helps strengthen them, coping with the strains of everyday life helps strengthen our “resiliency” muscles. This makes me wonder if many parents are actually harming their children by always trying to make their children’s lives as easy as possible. Too much sheltering from helicopter parents could backfire when the child grows up and has to face life’s challenges on their own.