In this Shambhala Sun article, Chödrön cites six ways in which one can develop a ‘cool loneliness,’ one which prepares the meditator for perceiving and living a different reality, one in which being alone does not equate to feeling lonely.
Less Desire
[…] We often have an incessant need to know what’s going to happen, with a prospective job, new love, or the outcome of a disease. Becoming fixated on what the result is going to be creates anxiety and helplessness. The empowering route is to let go of the outcome and be present with the process, painful as it might be. The more you become affiliated with uncertainty, the less your mind creates scenarios which may not have the opportunity of occurring anyway. Quoting Zen master Katagiri Roshi, ‘One can be lonely and not be tossed away by it.’
Contentment
[…] Contentment means not escaping from your issues, rather acknowledging them as part of a process that, like all else, will one day be gone. We really do not have a lot of days on this earth; every one we spend restless is one we could have spent enjoying being alive.
Avoiding Unnecessary Activity
[…] Unnecessary activities include going out drinking and obsessively hitting the gym to daydreaming and oversleeping. […] Chödrön quotes the Japanese poet Ryokan: ‘If you want to find the meaning, stop chasing after so many things.’
Complete Discipline
If we want to do anything in life well, it must be a discipline. […] In terms of loneliness, this implies taking these practices of stillness, reflection and meditation, and performing them, even during the toughest days… especially during the toughest days.
Not Wandering in the World of Desire
As Chödrön writes, ‘Loneliness is not a problem. Loneliness is nothing to be solved.’ While she already brought up cultivating less desire, this step simply means recognizing when you are engaged in an activity that is masking your loneliness, and to stop engaging in it. Such avoidances create addictions. […] Running away from loneliness results in more loneliness.
Not Seeking Security From One’s Discursive Thought** s**
[W]hen we use our inner world as an escape for what the outer world is presenting, we’re not dealing with the challenges right in front of us. If we crave security, we’ll find it by dealing with what confronts us. Running from challenges into the inner world of thoughts will never provide the security we seek.